I was asked to write a blog last month, but I was not in a good place in my soul, feeling I had nothing to write about. Today, I’m a little further along on the journey with more strength and meditations on my heart, so here it is.
My health continues to be my challenge of faith, and it probably will be until I die or until I am the recipient of a miracle. One thing that seemed to be tripping my faith, prompting me to doubt, was some of the “blank check” promises (it seems) by Jesus: “Ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you.”
I’ve asked and asked and asked for improved health, preferably a full-blown miracle. So where is it? Has God forgotten me? Is His Word not true? Have I done something wrong? These types of questions have plagued me, and I wondered if I can believe anything in the Bible.
With the start of the New Year, I realized that I need to make some progress in my heart, and in January the Lord has done that. Graciously the Lord has helped my thinking and my faith. Some conversations with Brad and a few others, plus a book Suffering by Paul Tripp, and a song our church sings—all have been instrumental in strengthening my faith. The journey of growth is taking me down a path towards contentment—contentment and rest in the very character of God, my good, gracious, attentive heavenly Father. He truly is watching over me. I may not get all I want when I want it, but it’s coming. For certain it will come at death, maybe sooner. My hope must be in him and in the glory that awaits me, not in changed circumstances. For now, I can trust his tender care.
So, in the past month, my circumstances haven’t changed, but my heart has.
Here are some of the lyrics to the hymn, Whatever My God Ordains Is Right, which has been a powerful comfort to me. (The tune and arrangement we sing is by Sovereign Grace Music if you want to search for it, which I highly recommend).
VERSE 1
Whatever my God ordains is right
In His love I am abiding
I will be still in all He does
And follow where He is guiding
He is my God, though dark my road
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all
VERSE 3
Whatever my God ordains is right
Here shall my stand be taken
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine
Yet I am not forsaken
My Father’s care circles me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to Him I leave it all