10 Year Reflections

10 Year Reflections

In May, Luke and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. I love milestones, because they provide the perfect opportunity for me to look back and see what God has taught me over a long period of time. So, here is a list of just a few of the things I’ve learned through my 10 years of marriage with Luke:

1. God is abundantly merciful.
Over the past 10 years, nothing has caused a greater amount of awe and respect than Luke’s constant display of mercy toward me. He has never raised his voice at me, spoken a harsh word, or displayed any amount of frustration or anger towards me. If he’s felt it, he’s never let an ounce of it out in 10 years!

We’ve never argued or had a fight. Whenever I make a mistake and come to apologize, I am met with tenderness and forgiveness. He is never belittling, nor does he hold my mistakes over me.

It has occurred to me that if my husband is this way, then God is abundantly more so. No one is more merciful than our Maker. He is slow to get angry with us, and when we come to Him in repentance, He is tender and forgiving. Exodus 34:6 says, “The Lord passed before him [Moses] and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness…”

2. God is incredibly patient.
I am always the last one out of our house, as I tend to get the kids ready first and then myself. I take longer to get ready in the morning, and sometimes I am late getting meals ready or laundry done on time. I have been suffering from Adrenal Fatigue for over a year, and that causes my short-term memory to be non-existent at times. I forget people’s names, conversations I’ve had, and even why I’ve entered a room. Through all these things, Luke has never shown a hint of impatience. I am constantly apologizing, and he just responds, “You don’t need to be sorry. I know it is hard to raise all these kids and be on top of everything else. You work hard. I can… (usually something like: make my own meal, fold my own clothes, wait for you, remind you, etc.).” He is just so patient, beyond what I think I deserve.

Our Lord is that way. He is patient with us, beyond what we deserve. The Old and New Testaments are filled with stories displaying His patience with His people. It is incredible how patient our Creator has been with His creation. Galatians 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…”

3. God is our life.
The past 4 ½ years have been excruciatingly painful for our family. When our oldest, Joshua, turned 5 years old, he started experiencing abdominal pain. After a few short weeks, he was unable to leave the couch. It got so bad one night that he screamed at the top of his lungs in pain for about an hour before I took him to the ER. They couldn’t find the source of his pain. We started praying for him to get better and for answers. Around this time, we got pregnant with our 4th. For months the pain continued, as did the tests, but with no answers. Joshua looked pale, malnourished (even though he was eating healthy foods), and sleep deprived (he couldn’t sleep because of the pain). Medical bills piled up, yet he just

kept getting worse. After days of research and help from Luke’s mom, we decided to try him on a special diet for SIBO, a non-contagious gut disease that supposedly children could not have, but all his symptoms pointed towards. With the help from both sides of our family, we got him started on a diet, exercise, and supplement routine. He started to stabilize.

Around this time, our 4th child was born, but our 3rd child, Eva, started experiencing severe pain. It took us 6 months to figure out she probably had SIBO as well (somewhat in denial). It was heartbreaking. We prayed even harder that they’d both get better and that God would protect our other kids.

Just as we got Eva stabilized, our baby, Emma, started throwing up every day. After 2 weeks, we took her to a doctor who told us she had no enzymes in her stomach and the bacteria in her gut was all “wrong”. She probably had SIBO, too. My heart was crushed. Why my baby? We prayed even harder.

Then, just a few months later at Christmas-time, our last healthy child, Liam, started crying in pain every day. It was almost beyond what I could emotionally bare and comprehend. How could all 4 kids have SIBO when children supposedly couldn’t get it? We found a specialist in Des Moines who was just starting an integrative pediatric health clinic, and she officially diagnosed all our kids with SIBO. When I asked her how our kids could have it when all the other doctors told us children couldn’t develop it, she told me the only way children can get SIBO is if they are genetically predisposed to having it. Some stressor in their lives activated it, but they were just ticking time bombs before that. In other words, the perfect combination of genes from Luke and I made 4 out of 4 of our kids with a genetic predisposition to this gut issue (which neither of us have). Worse yet, she told us, beyond a miracle, our kids will never be cured. They will only go into remission and will have flare-ups of pain every time their body is stressed or taxed in some way, whether from a virus or emotions.

I will tell you, I was emotionally broken. Watching all 4 of my little ones suffer from extreme pain over and over… Their care was a sharp learning curve, quite labor intensive, and extremely expensive. It was a nightmare. My heart was so confused. I felt like we had prayed faithfully in hope, yet it seemed to me like the more we prayed, the worse our situation got. Whatever I prayed for, it seemed I got the opposite. I was shattered to my core, but with every fiber of my being I clung to the truth that I had no place else to go but to God.

After some Renew Ministry, I saw that I was believing that I was somehow responsible for making my children this way (they developed in my body), and it was my fault they were suffering… That it was up to me to keep them alive and well and I had failed. God reminded me of His goodness, His sufficiency, and His plans for my life. He reminded me He is the One who not only holds my life together, but my health, my kids’ health, and our very existence. He is our life. There is no life apart from Him. He is good. This is not a punishment from Him.

During all of this, Luke was going through the rigorous trials of pastor qualification while doing full-time ministry, BUILD classes, qualification tests, scrutiny of every area of his life, all while watching his children waste away in front of him. He was so faithful and strong when our family was falling apart. The Lord used Luke like super glue. I’ve never seen a man endure so much yet praise the Lord with a depth of understanding of His Love. God is our family’s life. He is all we have some days, even still. He is the One good thing we can cling to. When your life is crashing down all around you, and your trials are confusing and heartbreaking, remember these words from John 6:66-69, “After this [difficult and confusing teaching] many of his [Jesus’] disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you want to go away as well?’ Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

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