So I searched the world for solutions that other people have (supposedly) found.  Some claim to have found a way so I bought their book but it didn’t work for me and I found myself several dollars poorer while they are several dollars richer.  I have joined support groups who claimed great results and I found a certain camaraderie and empathy there but no real solutions to my struggle.  I found lots of helpful tips that may or may not have increased my success rate for a short time. The accountability of the group may have activated my pride enough to motivate action for a while but the bottom line of my sinful, selfish nature remained and any victory was small and short lived.

I desperately want freedom.  “He who the Son has set free- is free indeed”.  I am back at the foot of the cross, starring at the Man.  “How?”  I ask Him.  “How can You set me free from this sin.  I am enslaved to it.  The very fibers of my being are enmeshed in this sin- it permeates every fiber of me!  What does freedom look like?  What is the lie that I am believing that draws me back to the sin over and over ?  I am bewildered and deceived.  The world screams out so many options.  I am like the woman (in Mark 5) who has spent all of her money on doctors but is still bleeding.”

“Walk in the Spirit,” He said to me “and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.  For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”  Gal 5

“Walk in the Spirit.  What does that look like?” I ask. 
He creates a mental picture for me. 
“But that is like tightrope walking!”  I gasp.  “I can’t do that!” 
He opens my eyes a bit more to see the Spirit and I together.

“But I want to do it myself…” I start to say and then I understand.  I can’t do it myself. 
I will never be able to do it myself.  I have been trying for years.  He won’t allow me to succeed at doing it myself because that would violate the whole grand plan.  His plan is that He gives me life, He gives the power and strength through His Spirit indwelling me and all of the praise belongs to Him.  I could never have done anything alone.  Everything I have belongs to Him.  I must not fight for separation from Him.  That would be like pulling the plug on the source of my power.  I must stop struggling, fighting, trying to balance and relax, let go, it is simple, light, uncomplicated.  Like tight rope walking.  There is the rope.  It is not complex- one foot ahead of the other.  Don’t fight Him.  Walk in Him.  Walk by Him.  Let Him fill me.  Let Him move me.  Let Him breathe for me.  Blessed are the poor in spirit… because they recognize their need of Him. 
I must die to self.
I tremble at the thought of what He asks.